Wednesday, December 22, 2010

somewhere between a dream and prayer

At night before I go to sleep I like to pray. I usually ask God to protect my family more specifically my brother where ever he may be. To give him eyes on the back of his head, to give him an instinct that sets off his spiritual alarm when he is in danger. To keep my family healthy. To keep my dad's heart healthy and all the vessels functioning properly. For my sister to forgive. For me to change, be better, closer, and eventually I fall asleep. I often pray myself to sleep and when I wake up one of my first thoughts is "thank you Jesus" and I pray some more and might fall asleep again. Somewhere in between a prayer and a dream I dreamt that I was introducing my children. "This is Ezra," I said..."and this is my daughter Risa." Then all of a sudden I was wide awake. Risa? I thought with a smile. That means laughter in Spanish. What a perfectly beautiful name for any child of mine don't you think? So when that day comes I can tell my daughter that somewhere between a prayer and a dream I was introduced to my daughter Risa who I knew would bring me such joy.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I miss my parents

This is the first time in a while that I am going to stay in Vegas for Christmas. I don't like that. I usually plan to go somewhere. This year there is no trip to Washington, or Indiana :( ....yes sad face. As I am getting older I appreciate my parents and whole family a lot more. I wish we had one of the families that all came together for the holidays but that just can't happen. We are spread all over the nation. Doreen with 3 kids lives in Washington, Carlos with 1and a 1/2 kids is deployed to God know's where, Michel is here with 4 boys, Jessica and my grandparents with 4 and a 1/2 lives in Indiana and my momma and dad in Alaska. More than anything I would love for us all to live closer together. So that we could take a day trip and just meet at whoever's house is in the middle. You know like in all the Christmas movies. I dream of a white Christmas. Where the passers by can look through our bay window and see the christmas tree all aglow, the whole family sitting at the table, just as the it begins to snow, candles lit, children playing all the Christmas music they just learned on their instruments....just give me one of those a year and I will be happy. I miss having my family together. I miss it all. I think we should all move to Indiana.