It was as if I was watching it all happen in front of me but could do nothing. My loved ones were just out of reach on a ship. The sky darkens and suddenly clouds and thunder roll in. Lightning strikes. I could see their faces clearly. Their reactions. I just watch helplessly as they all go down. Sinking slowly. I watch the chaos, the panic, the pain. But it was out of my reach and all I can do was watch tragedy unfold. Hear the devastation in their voices. See the effects of it all. As I stand safe and sound on solid ground wishing it was me. Wishing that somehow I could just hit the rewind button. But there is none. This is reality. I have no way to stop or change this. I stand here full of guilt, but safe. Only I am not. I am drowning too. Drowning on dry land in the weight of it all.
That's how it was for me this summer. Not for very long but still terrible for that short amount of time. Then I realized something. I was done morning and I was not alone. I went to Catalina to meet with my God. He restored me. I am better. I am stronger. I've been renewed.