Monday, August 31, 2009

on life's sorrows

It was as if I was watching it all happen in front of me but could do nothing. My loved ones were just out of reach on a ship. The sky darkens and suddenly clouds and thunder roll in. Lightning strikes. I could see their faces clearly. Their reactions. I just watch helplessly as they all go down. Sinking slowly. I watch the chaos, the panic, the pain. But it was out of my reach and all I can do was watch tragedy unfold. Hear the devastation in their voices. See the effects of it all. As I stand safe and sound on solid ground wishing it was me. Wishing that somehow I could just hit the rewind button. But there is none. This is reality. I have no way to stop or change this. I stand here full of guilt, but safe. Only I am not. I am drowning too. Drowning on dry land in the weight of it all.

That's how it was for me this summer. Not for very long but still terrible for that short amount of time. Then I realized something. I was done morning and I was not alone. I went to Catalina to meet with my God. He restored me. I am better. I am stronger. I've been renewed.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


1 John 4Test the Spirits 1Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
Why do we Christians keep trying to pretend that there is nothing evil out to get us? You can't believe in God and not believe that satan is real, alive and after us. Jesus tells us so time and time again. He warns us about this guy. Man, come on people we need to start looking at everything through our spirit eyes first. How can you just jump into things and pretend that you didn't know any better? Really guys. Really come on. You need to start consulting God in your every step instead of just "singing " about it. Test people's spirit and once you have an answer you know they are either of God or not. Then you have a choice to stay dwell in it or leave it. (resist the devil and he will flee) Life isn't as hard as we pretend lets just make the right choices and not blame the outcome on other people or circumstances. We will have trials and tests in our lives why don't we dedicate our hearts to overcoming instead of settleing in with defeat. No. I refuse because where you settle is where you die. I want more. I always will. I can't stay stagnent. If you're not growing you are dying. I can't settle for death when Jesus died that I might live, and live life abundantly. ugh. come get some. The blessings are raining down.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The "Jacob" in me: he faught for his blessings and I will too

Through the tragedy of it all i refuse to let go. In fact I find myself fighting harder than before wrestling with my faith and my God for the blessings I need. I was made for this. It would be easier not to fight. To just let go, but how can I turn away? How can I run from the reach of His embrace? Niether hieght nor depth can seperate me from the Love of my God, my savior Jesus Christ. Only I can do that. I can put walls up(like I am so good at doing). I can turn a deaf ear to His whispers into my soul. I can push Him away. I think about it....but then the moment passess and I press on with a gusto that knows no begining or end. I can see no end to this relationship. Your perfect love Lord is what I struggle for. You tell us time and time again that we will endure hardships. I find myself wrestling with you...just to be near to you and when I am through I rise and walk away limping. I am wounded, but Im blessed because of it. I walk side by side with you and though this life brings me pain I find the beauty that you have placed in the midst of difficulty. I chose You Lord. How can I not?