The "Jacob" in me: he faught for his blessings and I will too

Through the tragedy of it all i refuse to let go. In fact I find myself fighting harder than before wrestling with my faith and my God for the blessings I need. I was made for this. It would be easier not to fight. To just let go, but how can I turn away? How can I run from the reach of His embrace? Niether hieght nor depth can seperate me from the Love of my God, my savior Jesus Christ. Only I can do that. I can put walls up(like I am so good at doing). I can turn a deaf ear to His whispers into my soul. I can push Him away. I think about it....but then the moment passess and I press on with a gusto that knows no begining or end. I can see no end to this relationship. Your perfect love Lord is what I struggle for. You tell us time and time again that we will endure hardships. I find myself wrestling with you...just to be near to you and when I am through I rise and walk away limping. I am wounded, but Im blessed because of it. I walk side by side with you and though this life brings me pain I find the beauty that you have placed in the midst of difficulty. I chose You Lord. How can I not?