Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The crush: a glimpse into my stupid heart

So...I've had this crush for a little while. I broke my promise to myself and told a few friends...yet still vowing not to tell the crush. I was sent a secret message by one of them that said:

" A rose' beauty is meant to be seen and not hidden behind brick walls. But how much more beautiful is that rose when the walls are torn down and you see what was behind them all that time."

with all honesty my only response was:

what can i say, I guess having the garden a "secret" makes it a little special...and I am a coward in that area. I am never quite sure what people may think of the rose so I do gaurd it with my walls of stone...even i am surprised that any thing could grow there to begin with. and maybe even a little more scared of the person who made it grow.

I think there is such a thing as guarding your heart too much. Then it just becomes overgrown with thorns and weeds...forgotten. Instead of being the secret garden it becomes the forgotten one and when you feel something blossoming in a place you thought nearly dead it is just as scary as if it truly had died.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This month of June

Okay so this month I will be doing summer school 5 days a week, cutting back my hours at the office, working friday saturday and sunday. Shanika is gone for the summer and Becky is always busy. I feel like I am pretty much living alone most of the time. Everything is going to be fast paced and in my face. I am really stressed out about not going to church for a month...maybe I can make it to some Bible studies...or do one on my own. I miss my family and the simpler times. Everything is changing and that is what I love and crave, but that doesn't mean its easy. I guess nothing really ever is.